1984.01

Wednesday, 01.04:

Tried to cheat out of writing by making useless lists; gave it up. One thing I want to write (perhaps more will come):

Find our what day February 4 falls on and try to spend it with Bruce, with someone. The whole day. I know I’ll be thinking about Tom. I don’t want to spend that day doing nothing but thinking about our anniversary.

Trip to Washington Courthouse today. Two men.

One: in the bathroom at Wendy’s, I was using the urinal between the sink and the toilet stall. Man comes from my left out of stall. Just as I finished he was at the sink on my right washing his hands. Hi there. Friendly, warm, and a nice big good-looking man: hometown friendliness or did he have me pegged? And yes, I would have gone off with him for an hour and invented an excuse later.

Two: boy working in shop where I picked up the order. Twentyish, black hair, strong nose, blue eyes, ex-baseball type, slim, and his hips and  small butt so perfect and when he leaned up to hand me a stack of frames in the van the lovely smell of him as our fingers brushed . . .

Paul tonight at dinner: we were all being goofy about something and he said we were just like, or so much like, the family on Soap. J said, which family? Paul said, either. I said, you’re right; we are. In a lot of ways.

Was he thinking of me: the gay son? Was he?

Talking to Bruce on the phone about The Gay Mystique, how I’m enjoying reading it, how I want him to read it, too. He said Good, and when I’m done I’ll send it to your parents. I said I do want them to read it too, someday. He teases me about this issue a lot (on the phone: Do you want me to talk to your mother?) and I tell him it’s okay, I can take it. If he keeps it up I just try to laugh and say go ahead, Bruce, rub my nose in it. 

I’m working on it. I hope we get there sometime soon.